Things I learned when I moved to the country.
I moved to the country
I have been a city girl all my life, with a Starbucks within a 1 mile radius and Domino’s on speed dial. New Look and Topshop were within a 10 minute walk. It was far too easy to nip out for ‘a few drinks’. Until 7 months ago when my partner and I bought a beautiful house in the country. When I moved to the country, I was on a whole new territory.
Takeaways aren’t a thing any more
You don’t realise how much you miss Domino’s pizza until it is 48 miles away. I have even phoned Domino’s and asked if they would deliver to the nearest town. I tried to arrange to go to a car park and arrange to meet the delivery driver. Like some sort of strange pepperoni themed drug deal. Living in the city meant Domino’s at least once a week and ordering a veggie pizza on detox week.
But you don’t lose weight…
Yes, there may not be takeaways at hand but this makes literally no difference to the scales. Now I do this thing called preparing for an apocalypse. Going grocery shopping now involves buying 7 packets of biscuits just in case I have a sugar craving. The takeaway was probably far better for my hips than the 48 pack of Jaffa cakes. Moving to the country has made me heavier. Thanks country.
You become the pub
It makes no difference that there are not a variety of pubs to pick from. When I moved to the country, I learned a whole different type of alcoholism. Every time I go to the supermarket, I ‘stock up’ on booze which means I could open a bar on any given day off the week.
Trimming the bush
Before I moved to the country, I would buy 6 inch heels. However, now I buy gardening boots because if I wore heels outside of my house, I would be knee deep in mud and probably would have 2 broken legs at any given time. The country is not even ground and any form of paving is cracked. If gardening had been suggested to me around 6 months ago, I would of laughed because insects are everywhere and that is not my life. Now i look forward to Spring so I can pull weeds out of the ground. I even get a sick sense of satisfaction every time I get a big weed. What.
Too much meat
When I lived in the city there was always a shop within a 10 minute walk from my apartment and even though that shop was a 24 hour off-license that sold crisps that were past the sell by date, I l had food any time. Weekly shops only took place twice a year. Going grocery shopping now is like a military regime which takes a full day out of the month to complete. We shop in a wholesalers and buy packets of 20 pork chops at a time, nobody eats this much pork. Our freezer is like a butchers paradise.
Clothes from the internet…
Prepare to never go physically clothes shopping ever again. I buy everything online. This can be good and bad as I can watch how many pennies I am spending but I never know if anything is going to fit properly. I have become more excited than is normal to see the postman and he sees me in some states. He now brings us a bottle of wine at Christmas and treats for our dog. I never knew we had a postman when we lived in the city.
Sense of style, what?
My life has become an ongoing series of UGG boots and oversized jumpers because nobody sees me and nights out have become a rarity. This is something that I promised myself I would never do however with 65mph winds and mud surrounding my life, cute clothes are quite often completely impractical. They blow away within a minute of walking out the door. I only ever dress up for special occasions or ‘trips to the city’….
City of life, city of dreams
It doesn’t matter if you have spent the majority of your life living in the city wishing for a country escape. As soon as you move out of the city, visiting becomes like a mini holiday. Every time we visit ‘the city’ I look like Shirley Bassey because it is the only time I really get to dress up now. Not to mention that when we are there it becomes a bit of an event, usually involving a fancy lunch and trying to cover as many shops as possible.
When you wish upon a star…
Now I know why none of my wishes were coming true when I lived in the city. There were no stars. This is technically not accurate but living in a big city means that seeing stars is rare due to the Vegas-like street lights. Now that I live in the country, I sometimes stand at the back door and just gaze at the stars because they are so prominent. Maybe all my wishes will come true…
Builders, builders everywhere…
There are a lot less people living around in the country however for some reason I have become friendly with a joiner, builder, roofer and plumber. They actually visit us and save our lives when the house partially falls down. This is a true story. One day the winds were so strong that our garage roof blew completely off and within 10 minutes there were 7 people helping us save our garage contents. Ironically when living in the city, tradesmen were nowhere near as plentiful. Maybe they were but they never hung around long enough to become friendly.
Are we there yet?
Everything is now strategically planned to avoid rush hours and traffic congestion. When I lived in the city, I would go anywhere I liked at any given time of the day or night. This included Burger King at 2 AM because it was possible. Burger King is now the freezer with every finger crossed that there are burger buns in the vicinity. Be prepared to actively listen to the radio with the ‘latest travel information’ because even road kill can prevent a trip to the shops.
Documentaries, so many documentaries
There is a genuine documentary on Netflix about keeping chickens as pets. It is called ‘The Natural History of the chicken’ and it made me cry. Documentaries have become such a part of my life that we even brought in Christmas watching one about Scientology because Tom Cruise, what happened after Top Gun? Be prepared to spend more time in front of the box, in turn learning things you never knew you wanted to learn about.
Signal is a foreign language
The only way people can contact me is my flares and owls. I have no signal all of the time and I am actually quite happy about this. If people need to contact me they need to do it via the WiFi or the home phone. WiFi calling has become an essential which means I phone people through the internet. I genuinely phoned the internet provider about the internet by internet phoning, could it get any more 21st century? Prepare to find other means of contact.
Raindrops are falling on my head and 65mph hour winds are knocking me over
Before, I would get excited if there was something interesting in the news. Now all I need to do is watch the weather channels. Regardless if I have been told that it is a calm day with mild winds, our house will still sound terrifying. I have been convinced on more than 8 occasions that it is the end of the world. Also, our bins need to be held down with granite blocks or they will end up in a North Sea oil field.
Regardless of all these things, living in the country has changed my life for the better. Properties in the country gave us more bang for our buck which means we have a much bigger house for the same price as our little flat in the city. There are some really lovely places to go for walks and the dog has actually started to like me as a person. I wouldn’t change anything as I become a much happier person. I would maybe open a Domino’s locally though.