If You Don’t Read This You’re a Worm
I didn’t realise I knew a heap about this famous puddle until I came to write about it. Our followers love a Loch Ness fact and I keep getting told that I’m good at providing this useless and interesting information so here she blows, 8 fun facts about Loch Ness and The Loch Ness Monster.
- Loch Ness has more water in it that all of Wales and England’s lochs put together but it ISN’T the deepest or largest Loch in Scotland. If you can make sense of that then I’ll give you my fridge. It’s on its way out but it’s still got a bit of life in it.
- The lochs average temperature all year round is 6°C and for this reason, humans are advised not to wild swim in it. I swam in here regularly from the age of 6, which meant my parents were either trying to get rid of me or they were trying to prepare me for life. I think the former but both have made me a fighter.
- Loch Ness has really peaty water. Now, if you’ve swum out relatively far, you’ll know the pure paranoia that creeps over you whilst you hold onto that buoy, knowing that any minute, you’re Nessie’s Ryvita.
- This one will blow you up the chimney. So basically, way back in 565AD (I haven’t a scooby how long ago that was), St Columba’s Irish monk servant was supposedly attacked by a “water beast.” People often think that the beast was Nessie from Loch Ness, but this actually happened on the River Ness. Now I’m not sure whether they had Johnny Foxes back then but I reckon the Irish Monk had necked too many peaty drams and ended up grin-to-chin with a local brown trout. Scottish whispers are worse than Chinese ones.
If you’ve read this far then you’re not a worm and I owe you breakfast. So don’t leaf me this way…
Loch Ness Monster
- “Nessie” is a Scottish name meaning “Pure,” just like Victoria is a legend name meaning legend, or “funny educator of unnecessary information.”
- “That” famous photo of Loch Ness was published in 1934, but wasn’t outed as a fake until 1975!! That’s 41 years of local businesses milking it for all it was worth. You can see why no one was in a hurry to spill the peaty tea; “Come to Scotland, we have faded black and white photos of potential monsters/hangers/floating pieces of wood.”
- But did you know? And this bit is mind-blowing… that photo was set up using a toy submarine purchased from Woolworths (RIP Woolies. To our non-Scottish or Scottish descendant friends, Woolworths was the mother of all high street shops that did a smashing pick’n’mix section. Pick’n’mix means sweeties or “candy.” Feckin’ language barriers. The toy sunk after the photo and is presumably still in the loch till this day. Which for some reason totally creeps me out. Creepy loch toys bleh.
- Another sighting of Nessie was by Dr D.Mackenzie of Balnain who spotted something wriggling and churning around in the water. I’m meeting this one with a massive eye roll because number 1, fish exist… And number 2, Scottish folk doing water sports in Loch Ness were most likely wriggling and churning. What a dafty eh?
- In 1976, a group of folk used bacon as bait for catching the monster. They didn’t catch the monster but they probably did catch most of Inverness.
Do I believe in Nessie? Course I do! I’ve written this whole post whilst riding her like a buckin’ bronco up and down the Loch against the silvery moonlight. A beautiful sight really…